Ascending Through The Mess #3

Ascending Through The Mess is a short story series collaboration with AestheticGraphy about 14 year old Sia and how she combats whatever society throws at her.

Previous parts:

Sia’s POV

anxiety

aŋˈzʌɪəti/

noun

1. a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.

My heart is pounding, my palms are sweaty and my legs feel like jelly. I’m taking deep breaths in an effort to calm myself down. I think of all the times I’ve done this before; staring at my pale face in the bathroom mirror and watching my expelled air condense on it. It’s relaxing, in a way. The bright orange tiles of the girls’ washroom in school seem to mock my current state of mind, but the sunlight can’t drive out the unpleasant feeling of anxiety this time.

I take a deep breath and rummage through my bag , my hands enclosing around that dreaded piece of paper. I looked at the large red letter on it’;”F”. It finally sunk in, I had failed a test for the first time in my life. How is this possible? Let’s bracktrack.

Did I study well for the test? Yes, well in advance. And the day before the test, it’s like a switch flipped in my brain where it went, “NOOO.” And the problem was that it didn’t stop internally screaming until now. On a second thought, it still hasn’t. Also, I was a bundle of nerves during the test. Why does this happen to me?

I know I shouldn’t think too much but I can’t help it. It’s like the wrecking balls in my brain are destroying every last bit of self-confidence. I’m worried about my grades in the future. Will I keep failing tests? What I don’t finish school? What if I don’t get my dream job? No, I need to calm down. Deep breaths, again.

I’ve realized that all this worry stems from insecurity and stress. I need to believe in myself and be confident in my abilities. I need to take some time out and get a hold of my circumstances. Because I can.

I’ve come to accept that this suffocating monster is here, but I’m going to ensure that it is not here to stay. I can do this. I won’t let anxiety get the better of me.

Mental health is just as important as our physical and spiritual well-being. I urge you to put yourself first. Don’t be afraid to speak up and seek help. You’re not alone and you’re going to be all right; believe it.

A big thank you to Riya and Thinker for writing this with me.

There will be weekly updates to this series.

Thank you for reading!

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